Tomorrow’s Jeremy arrested for stalking
By Karl Stenniebarra
Jeremy, the protagonist of Gianluca Bezzina’s Eurovision song ‘Tomorrow’, has been arrested after a woman reported him for stalking her for the past three months.
While many assumed that Jeremy was a fictional character, he is in actual fact a real 26-year old software tester from Zebbug.
‘Tomorrow’ tells the story of how “sensitive and shy” Jeremy Falzon was tempted out of his quiet ways by a bubbly and spontaneous unnamed woman.
However, the woman in question tells a completely different version of events.
“I never talked to him once, so I didn’t ‘walk into his life.’ We just caught the same bus to and from work.
“Initially he just used to smile at me. At first I thought nothing of it but things gradually got worse.
The woman described how Jeremy began to follow her home every day.
“Whenever I looked back at him he would get down on all fours and bark like a dog, thinking he had fooled me.
“He even found me on Facebook. He didn’t have a single friend on there so I accepted his request. I immediately regretted it though because he started to like all my photos and statuses.”
She said things began to get worrying when her underwear started to go missing from the washing line.
“The song mentions how Jeremy likes his rigorous routine, which is a reference to his habit of masturbating outside my bedroom window every evening.
“I didn’t throw affection his direction. I threw a shoe.”
Eventually, the woman reported him to the police. Upon searching Jeremy’s bedroom they found a shrine with several photographs of the woman, as well as the words ‘TIME TO FOLLOW HER TOMORROW’ scrawled all over the walls.
Meanwhile, Gianluca Bezzina himself believes his protagonist is completely innocent.
“Good old Jeremy would never do a thing like that, cor blimey. These accusations are a load of Brad Pitt. Apples and pears!” the singer said in a Cockney accent.
Time to follow Bis-Serjetà on Facebook tomorrow, or preferably today.