Gonzi calls…for national strategy against Indian scam callers

By Karl Stennienibarra

The Prime Minister has called on the Maltese to forget about the political crisis and unite against the “menace” of Indian call centre workers who phone people telling them there is something wrong with their computer.

“Screw that son of a bitch JPO. That’s not important right now. We need to do something about these bloody Indians who keep calling to tell me I have some kind of error in Windows. I’ve had enough,” Dr Gonzi said in a rousing speech.

“Many people simply hang up or say they aren’t interested, but this only frees them up to call someone else. Therefore, I believe we should all take it upon ourselves to waste as much of their time as possible.”

The Prime Minister then went on to propose several elaborate schemes to annoy the call centre workers.

“When they call me I let them ramble on for a while about how I need their help, and then I tell them I’m only 14 years old and will go fetch my mum from the roof because it’s her computer. Then I leave the phone on the table and try to stop giggling until they finally hang up.

“They usually call back, and this time I do a woman’s voice and pretend to be my mum. Once again I let them talk and talk, and then say that I don’t really understand anything about computers and that my son is the expert of the house. “But your son told us that it’s your computer,” they say. Hahaha. Suckers!

“If they phone again, I do a Chinese accent and ask whether they want the wantons or the beef noodles. They usually don’t call back after that.”

Dr Gonzi also suggested telling the Indians that your windows are fine because you only just cleaned them the day before.

“Usually I like to spend about 15 minutes on the line. I mean it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

Asked why he thought the country was being targeted in this way, the Prime Minister replied, “It’s probably Labour’s fault. It’s always Labour’s fault.”

When pressed for his comments on Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando’s resignation, Dr Gonzi replied with “Haven’t you seen the billboards? LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING.”

Reacting to the Prime Minister’s announcement, Opposition leader Joseph Muscat said, “I find it shameful that Dr Gonzi should focus on international issues when we have enough problems here in Malta. Only this week, Melita called me three times.”

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