Entire country calls in sick
By Charles Komplistenna – filling in for Karl Stennienibarra, who called in sick with explosive diarrhoea -
Malta ground to a halt today as almost every single person in the country called in sick, coincidentally after Italy knocked England out of Euro 2012.
Not a single business transaction was carried out during the whole day, as an epidemic that mainly involved headaches, vomiting, and empty cans of Cisk swept through the island.
Strangely, the only people who arrived at work as normal were Germany supporters, and glory hunters who only started to side with Brazil and Spain after they won the World Cup.
So empty were the streets that yet another turtle ventured out of the sea in Golden Bay, made her way to Valletta and laid her eggs in the construction site of the new parliament, thereby halting construction permanently.
“Almenu ħa jkun hemm ftit bajd f’dak il-post issa,” said one coughing onlooker.
“I tried calling in sick with the flu but no one picked up the phone,” said one worker over the phone while trying his best to sound as congested as possible.
“Obviously my illness has nothing to do with drowning my sorrows after my favourite team couldn’t manage to string three fucking passes together,” said another invalid.
“I got a really bad headache after I was driving home last night, and a giant bee landed on my car horn, so I couldn’t turn it off,” lamented another in perfect Italian.
Sick doctors, who have not been spared by the insidious plague, are providing certificates online for the nominal fee of €30.