Paceville bouncers to guard coastline against immigrants
By Karl Stennienibarra
Bouncers from various clubs in Paceville will take it upon themselves to patrol the Maltese coastline this summer, saying they want to stem the tide of irregular immigration that is expected over the summer.
The entire coastline will be surrounded by a red rope, with bouncers on jet skis armed with anything they can get their large hands guarding the island’s beaches.
“We’re the best people for the job, with a proven track record in preventing black people from entering places where they aren’t welcome,” said Chief Brokenbottle, the 7ft tall, 4 ft wide bouncer in charge of the operation.
Human rights groups both local and international have called the measure “just a teeny bit racist,” but Chief Brokenbottle resents the accusations.
“We have every right to stop people who we deem undesirable from entering our clubs, and now our country. Some would argue that hundreds of these people deserve refugee status, but may I point out that two or three of them smell bad and masturbate in public, so it all evens out. If they don’t like it, they can go to Lampedusa,” he said.
“Now shove off so I can let these four big-titted blondes in.”
The bouncers have given themselves permission to use any force necessary to prevent immigrants from getting onto the island, safe in the knowledge that the chances of them being jailed are practically nil.
When contacted for his comments, Interior Minister Carm Mifsud Bonnici said he knew nothing of the patrols, but said he was a very hard worker and a “tifel bravu ħafna.”