Parker denies putting horse’s head in Transport Malta CEO’s bed

By Karl Stennienibarra

A parking attendant who complained about a horse shelter being built on the car park he manages has denied that he put the severed head of a horse in the bed of Transport Malta’s CEO.

The horse shelter was meant to be constructed in Marsamxetto Street, but attendant Salvatore ‘Sal’ Maranzano then managed to obtain a temporary warrant to halt construction.

Transport Malta CEO Jack Woltz described how he made the gruesome discovery.

“As I woke up bleary eyed, I thought to myself ‘What is Dolores Cristina doing in my bed? It isn’t Wednesday…’”

“After I stopped screaming I found a note with ‘Bonġu sinjur, xi haga għall-parker?’ and my car’s registration number scrawled on it.”

Parking attempts earn a living by providing the service of making sure no unfortunate accidents happen to one’s car while they are away.

“The work of a parker is highly important. You never know who might slash your tires or key your bonnet. I don’t know nothin’ bout no horse! See this yellow lanyard? This means I’m with the Karozza Nostra” Mr Maranzano told BS.

“50c? I help you reverse, give you a comment, and that’s all I get? Well I can’t guarantee protection for that.”

All parking areas in Malta are controlled by the so-called Five Parking Families, or Il-Ħames Par-kinks in Maltese.

All five families emigrated to Malta from the small parking village of Castellammare del Volkswagen Golf in Sicily.

Only last year the Maranzanos, who also control the car park near the Excelsior hotel, fought a vicious turf war with the Cordonnola family, whose territory covers the Ġnejna, Għajn Tuffieħa and Golden Bay car parks, over control of the Imdina ditch car park.

They engaged in several pitched battles in front of St Paul’s Cathedral, but in order to avoid disturbing the peace of the Silent City, they conducted the entire war by slapping each other in the face.

The Par-Kinks’ activity is not limited to parking spaces. It is rumoured they have also repeatedly tried to get wannabe swing crooner J. Anvil (real name Francesco ‘Lucky’ Lucchese), into the Eurovision by bribing voters with offers of exclusive parking rights in Sliema.