Car falls into giant pot hole, discovers ruins of Atlantis
By Karl Stennienibarra
The driver of a car that fell into a giant crater-like pot-hole in Mosta has unwittingly stumbled upon the lost city of Atlantis, finally solving a centuries-old archaeological mystery.
40-year old Janet Bonnici was driving home from work when she accidentally drove her Volkswagen Golf into the gaping chasm in Tal-Wej Road.
“The road has been in a shameful state for some time, but because of the recent heavy rain, this one hole in particular became so wide and so deep that we started calling the road Triq Eileen Montesin . The council never bothered fixing it so we just got used to driving around it.”
However, Ms Bonnici said that on the evening in question she was tired, and didn’t see the pot hole because it was filled with rainwater.
“The car sank, and just kept going down and down. I thought I was going to die but then after several minutes the car reached a pocket of air.”
The air pocket turned out to be a large underwater cave, where Ms Bonnici became the first person in thousands of years to lay eyes on the ruined walls, temples and streets of Atlantis. She was particularly entranced by a colossal statue of Poseidon.
“At first I thought it was a statue of some saint or other, but then I noticed he had really big muscles, and his willy was hanging out! I’ll have to go to confession tomorrow.”
Ms Bonnici is understandably having difficulty coming to terms with the magnitude of her find. “I don’t know if my insurance covers accidental uncovering of lost civilisations,” she said.
The discover now casts doubt on the long-held belief that Malta surfaced out of the Mediterranean Sea after millions of years of sedimentary build-up.
Some scientists now believe that the Maltese archipelago did in fact fall to Earth, ready-made, from space, squashing Atlantis beneath it.
The theory would explain the line in Plato’s dialogues which translates to: “Bloody hell what the fuck is that massive fish-shaped thing hurtling towards us?”
“It makes total sense,” said Professor Kenneth Uwejja-Galea from the University’s Department of Archaeology. Why else would Malta be the only country in the world that has bigilla? I’ll tell you why: because it’s alien food made from moon beans!”
Malta will now be the topic of the next season of the History Channel’s ‘Ancient Aliens’ series.
“Up yours, Game Of Thrones!” remarked culture minister Mario de Marco.
Gozo Bishop Mario Grech told Bis-Serjeta’: “God probably threw Malta at Atlantis because He was angry at all the rampant bum sex they were engaging in. This is a warning to all homosexuals. Cease your wicked ways or face the mighty throwing arm of Our Lord!”
Meanwhile, transport Minister Austin Gatt praised the discovery. “You see? Pot holes aren’t so bad. What are a few destroyed tires next to the greatest archaeological discovery ever made?” Dr Gatt told journalists.
“Now if you don’t mind getting out of my way, I’ve got a massive shit hanging like a turtle’s head.”