Queen accidentally gifts Malta to Will and Kate

The royal wedding celebrations took a bizarre turn today after Queen Elizabeth II, grandmother to Prince William, gave the newly-wedded Prince and his bride Kate Middleton the island of Malta as a wedding present.

The diplomatic gaffe took place after the wedding itself, at the Royal Gift-Giving Ceremony at Buckingham Palace.

It is understood that the Queen, who is 85 years old, thought that Malta was still a part of the British Empire, and indeed that Britain still had an empire in the first place. The island, a former British colony, has been a republic since 1974.

While other gifts included a 200-metre yacht from Prince Albert of Monaco, a prize Arabian stallion from the Emir of Dubai, the royal whip and handcuffs from Prince Philip, and a kettle and dinner set from Kate’s parents, the Queen’s gift consisted of a simple gilded envelope containing the following letter, which was read out by the Prince:

“Dear Willie and Peasant Kate

“We do bestow to you on your wedding day the fair island of Malta, one among our most treasured possessions in our most glorious Empire, to do with as you please. We do hope that it will give you as much joy as it has given Philip and Ourselves. We and Grandad had many a steamy night on the beaches, and in the fields, and in the streets, and with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. You get our royal drift.

“Lots of love,

Nana Lizzie xxx”

The Maltese ambassador to the United Kingdom, who was present at the ceremony, shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, yet remained silent, clearly reluctant to interrupt. It is understood that after the ceremony, the ambassador attempted to seek clarification on the oversight, but was kicked out of the grounds by Prince Philip who yelled “Go back to your hut you bloody Arab.”

This is not the first time that such a slip-up has happened. A similar error occurred in 2005 when the Queen had tried to give Jamaica to Prince Charles and Camilla, “in the hope that that hag you’ve chosen will at least get a tan”, as the Queen said at the time.

Join the serious Facebook page and get serious updates here

Queen Elizabeth II smiles condescendingly at a Maltese commoner